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[Nancy Drew] Pretty Much Amazing

Title: Pretty Much Amazing
Fandom: Nancy Drew(movie)
Characters: Nancy Drew, Principal Abrams
Word Count: 734
Rating: PG
Summary: My take on Nancy's confrontation with the principal; logic is added to this freaky sequence.
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, amateur effort not intended to infringe on the rights of the author or any other copyright holder.
Author's Notes: I snarked on this movie last year on my LJ. The other day an anonymous reviewer replied to it, telling me I was a bitch and should go to hell because I dared to critique the flaws in my own journal of a movie that some people liked.

Whoever you are, nameless commenter, this is dedicated to you.

Nancy strode into the principal's office with a calm confidence. Sure, it was her first day at her new school, but she was certain the man in charge here would be as reasonable as her old principal back in River Heights. She certainly hoped so, as there was quite a few things to bring to his attention!

"Principal Abrams, I feel strongly students should be given a more nutritious alternative in the cafeteria. Perhaps a salad bar." She grinned a sparkling smile.

"A salad bar. We're not a buffet restaurant, Miss Drew, and I feel no need to make a budget request to have one installed. The cafeteria serves pre-packaged salads, fresh fruit, and tofu burgers. The vegan and vegetarian students who made the honour roll last year were given the opportunity to taste-test the various offerings from the companies who could provide lunch alternatives within a reasonable price range, and any one of them will tell you we picked the best they had to offer. If any student wants something healthier, they can bring it from home. The rest are happy with burgers and fries, and they'd riot if they were taken away."

Nancy blinked in surprise. She wasn't used to anyone disagreeing with her. LA certainly was a strange place. She checked her notes before speaking again, "Okay, let's see . . . there may be traces of lead paint in the utility shed next to the volleyball courts, but I can't be certain until the lab report comes back --"

He cut her off. "The sheds are off-limits to students, labelled as such, and are entirely lead-free. We had routine tests done some time back. You were out of bounds on several levels in assuming the worst."

Were she any less polite, Nancy would be fuming. This was an environmental hazard just waiting to happen! "Finally, I urge you to offer a course in CPR. I noticed it wasn't part of your curriculum --"

Again, he interrupted, "The Red Cross holds several courses in basic first aid over the course of the year. I see no point in making an entire class for something that can be covered in its entirety in an afternoon. Miss Drew, I've been hearing quite a bit about you from your teachers --"

Nancy beamed warmly. Finally, some recognition for her good work!

He sighed, folded his hands, and spoke calmly and slowly as if speaking to a wayward child – which, he felt, he was. "In shop class, you roughly assembled and then took credit for the scale model of Notre Dame the Architecture Club has been working on all term. In gym, you began running before the starting pistol was fired, and then proceeded to claim you 'won' the race after one circuit and wandered off while the rest of the class completed their endurance training. That's likely when you snuck off to the sheds. In math, you refused to take notes, claiming you already knew the relevant equations. Even if that is the case, you still need to do your work. Your drama teacher feels you're a potential suicide risk who was crying out for help when you recited Juliet's death scene instead of saying 'here' during attendance. All in all, Miss Drew, you've gotten off to quite a rough start on your first day, and I for one do not want this trend to continue. You may have gotten used to ordering everyone around at your old school, but this is LA. Let us do our jobs, and you can focus on being a student instead of testing for lead paint and acting like a know-it-all."

Nancy's face fell. She fought back tears – she'd known LA would be rough, but never imagined that her principal would be so rude and view her actions in such a horrible light.

Noticing her reaction, the principal's face softened. "Moving to a new city, especially mid-term, can be rough. I've scheduled you an appointment with our counsellor – you can even do a background check on her, since you like research so much. You'll see she's highly qualified, and the best in the district. You'll report to her office instead of science class this afternoon." He passed her the card with a smile, inwardly glad that he'd be able to keep her away from Bunsen burners until she'd passed the psychological evaluation.

Nancy took the card silently, nodding.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
aubergine_pilot
May. 27th, 2008 08:22 pm (UTC)
Dear god, you're amazing. ♥

I honestly wish they hadn't gone for bitter postmodern satire when they made that movie - it could've been cute teen-drama-level fluff (particularly if they'd gone with some of the late '90s books, AKA the ones with a ghostwriter as good as the original "Carolyn Keene" and collegestudent!Nancy and co.), and instead... it didn't just suck, it imploded.

This fic makes up for and then some the insult done to a sizeable chunk of my childhood; thank you so damn much for it!
fairest1
May. 28th, 2008 11:05 pm (UTC)
The movie was supposed to be satire?

Um, to give background on my original snarking of the novelization, I was at a Chapters when I noticed a sign up that Emma Roberts was going to be making an appearance to promote the new Nancy Drew movie. I picked up a novelization, figuring it was a good option to get her to autograph, stayed through the Q&A, and asked her if she felt the movie stayed true to the spirit of the books -- any adaptation will change aspects, if only to suit the format, so I felt that was the best phrasing.

She felt it did.

Any satire seen in the movie was not deliberate.

*bows* Glad to have achieved that!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )