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[Care Bears] See My Vest

Title: See My Vest
Fandom: Harry Potter/Care Bears
Characters: Dolores Umbridge, various Care Bears
Word Count: 1210
Rating: PG
Summary: A prequel, of sorts, to my other Care Bears/Harry Potter crossover fic.
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit, amateur effort not intended to infringe on the rights of JKR or any other copyright holder.
Dedicated to little_details; thanks for the help!

Up in Care-a-lot, plans were in motion. The levels of caring in the wizarding world had dropped drastically, and even the children were having more trouble to care with each year that progressed. A meeting was called for all the Care Bears. It was clear that something had to be done.

Tenderheart Bear sat at the head of the table, looking at the assembled bears. "I think you know why we're here. The Wizarding world is in a crisis. Voldemort is returning, the government is corrupt, and worse – the children aren't able to care." At the last, a gasp came up from the table. "I think our best option is to go to one of the teachers, make them care, and they can teach the children to be better people."

Murmurs of agreement came up from the table. "The best to target is the worst of the bunch – the new Defense teacher, Dolores Umbridge. She's a meanie who wants them to ignore the problems they're facing instead of solving them and caring about them! Let's help her to CARE!" A cheer came up from the crowd.

Tenderheart smiled. "All right, everyone – we all know how missions to the Wizarding world tend to end up, and I don't want anyone captured this time – we're sending in a big team so we'll have better odds of getting everyone out. Not to worry, of course, mostly they seemed interested in studying us, but it saves time this way."

He looked to the pink bear at his right hand. "Cheer Bear, you've been asking for a chance to lead a mission for a while – you've got it. Do I have any volunteers for the team?"

A number of hands raised, but Tenderheart chose the most enthusiastic – they were more inclined to do their very best. "Love-a-lot, Secret, Harmony, Hopeful Heart, Smart Heart, Always There . . . Grumpy, it's good to see you volunteering."

He noticed a small hand bouncing over the edge of the table. He peered over and saw Baby Hugs jumping up and down. "Hugs? I don't know, you're awfully young . . . "

Hugs looked up at him with wide eyes. "But I need to learn sometime! Please let me go on this mission!"

Tenderheart caved. He just couldn't say no to such a sweet little girl. "All right, but stay close to the others."

"Goody goody gosh! I can't wait!" She did a little dance and ran off to prepare.

Grumpy hung back, nervous. He knew the others considered him silly for looking on the negative side of things, but sometimes a negative view was needed to prepare for the worst. That was why he'd volunteered, to be on the lookout. He gave a little shiver, not really sure why.


Dolores Umbridge was in her home, reading over the details of her assignment. Teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts was a vital position, and she was glad for the opportunity to mold new minds . . . it would be a shame if they grew up believing that a dark lord lurked around every corner and that the Ministry couldn't handle any problem that arose. They had to learn not to question authority.

She had finished outlining her lesson plan – no need to cover anything they wouldn't need for their OWLs – and had just packed her detention quills when a voice came from behind her. Knowing that no one else should have access to her home, she grabbed her wand before the words had even sank in.

"That's not very nice!"

She blinked. There were nine fuzzy, vaguely bear-like creatures standing in front of her. Most were pink, and all but one (the smallest) were approximately three feet in height. "What are you doing in my home?" she asked, with a bit of a giggle. They were a silly sight.

The one who spoke earlier smiled. "We're the Care Bears, and we're here to help you learn to care! I'm Cheer Bear."

She gestured to the next bear, an especially perky ursine who was also pink and had two hearts on her stomach. "This is Love-a-Lot Bear! She'll help you learn to love your students and not plan their detentions before you even meet them."

Next was a rather shy pink bear with a padlock on her stomach. Cheer continued, "This is Secret Bear. She'll help teach you not to hide things from those who should know them."

"And this is Smart Heart Bear. She'll show you how school is fun and so is learning, so you shouldn't make it such a gloomy place." A watermelon pink bear with an apple on her stomach gave a wave and nod.

"Harmony Bear knows how to help people overcome their differences and get along – after all, you all need to --"

Cheer was cut off when a green bolt came from Umbridge's wand, dropping the bear in mid-sentence. Her death, like the non-verbal spell, came silently.

All the others, save one, barely noticed, until Grumpy screamed, "LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!"

They began to scatter, but none of them really knew what to do. Baby Hugs dove under the couch, her little pink tail sticking in the air. Always There and Love-a-Lot, in their confusion, ran right into each other before being killed with a single spell.

Hopeful Heart grabbed Cheer, trying to shake her awake. With a green blast, Hope died.

"To the door! The Cloud Car's right outside! We can get away!" Grumpy cried, trying to grab Hugs' paw. The young bear, petrified with fear, simply scooted further under the couch. Noting his fallen bears, Grumpy ran for it. Better to escape now than to die knowing that a rescue team would likely meet the same fate.

Harmony Bear tried to reason with Umbridge, "We're only here to help! We're not going to hurt --" and was cut off, in all ways, far too soon.

Turning a coat rack into a lever, Smart Heart managed to pry up the couch enough to pull Baby Hugs out. Cradling the cub, she ran for the door. Just seconds before reaching freedom, the door slammed shut and locked in a blast of magic, followed shortly after by a blast that took out both the learned bear and the cub she tried to protect.

Secret stood in the middle of the chaos, mute with fear, her eyes misting with tears for her fallen friends. Her last thought was that the terror she felt was a secret she would never wish to share.

Umbridge smiled to herself in satisfaction, noting that each of the meddling creatures was indeed dead. Such a shame, really . . . the ministry might be interested in studying them, but they might ask some uncomfortable questions as to why she had only deceased specimens available.

She brushed her hand against the fur of the nearest one. Such a shame, really . . . their coats were so soft and plush. She beamed as inspiration struck her. A skinning charm, a sewing charm, change the colour of a few so they all matched, cast Geminio if there wasn't enough material . . . that little one would make delightful trim . . .


Dolores Umbridge stepped up in front of the school, confident in her wonderful new suit.

"Hem hem."

Author's Notes: This all started when I was watching 'Order of the Phoenix', and when Umbridge stepped up to make her speech at the Welcome Feast, I thought "That suit looks like she skinned a Care Bear."

". . . "

That was when the plotbunny sank its fangs in.

Also: While several of the Care Bears mentioned in this fic were not introduced until some time after this point in HP canon, I hold that they were around, simply not mentioned in canon due to their deaths and the fact that replacements needed to be brought in before they could be introduced on the show.


( 55 comments — Leave a comment )
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Jan. 2nd, 2008 03:41 am (UTC)

I approve.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
Why, thank you!
Jan. 2nd, 2008 03:59 am (UTC)

I could see this having happened, absolutely.

"...we all know how missions to the Wizarding world tend to end up, and I don't want anyone captured this time..."

I wonder what happened in the past. Does the Department of Mysteries have several Care Bears caged in the depths of the Ministry? Did Voldemort experiment with Care Bears as a means of making Horcruces? Are Dementors derived from Care Bears, in somewhat the same fashion as orcs are derived from elves?
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:24 am (UTC)
What I had in mind was that they were captured and studied simply because they were magical creatures that the Ministry didn't have on record. There would inevitably be a pastel-coloured rescue mission to free the bears, so there still aren't any complete records.
(no subject) - ap_aelfwine - Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:58 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - fairest1 - Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - roachpatrol - Dec. 1st, 2008 07:39 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:06 am (UTC)
Why do I now have mental images of the Care Bears deciding to try influencing Snape instead of Umbridge, and the mission getting sidelined when Grumpy decides he has a new best friend?
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:11 am (UTC)
And there is so much right with this thing that I don't know where to start commenting on its merits.
(no subject) - fairest1 - Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:45 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - jalendavi_lady - Jan. 3rd, 2008 07:22 am (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
My first response on reading this is 'who could they turn to for revenge?'


Sitting at his desk at the back of the Happytown library, Mr Quiet put down the telephone and sighed quietly. "Those bears", he whispered, "So enthusiastic, but so naive."

He turned to his friend, Mr Worry. "Worry? Who's on the emergency call-out roster tonight?"

Mr Worry looked at the chart, "Rush, Mean, Tall, Tickle and Uppity."

Mr Quiet nodded, "Call them in, there's been a massacre of Care Bears at Hogwarts."

(and if you've no idea who I'm talking about - follow this link


Fabulous story! The detail of Grumpy trying to save Baby Hugs made my throat catch.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
Heee . . . awesome. Or possibly they'd call in the Real Ghostbusters.

Thank you! I try to balance the crack with proper drama.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:32 am (UTC)
Oh dear. This is so wrong, and I can so believe it of Umbridge.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 05:04 am (UTC)
HOLY CRAP THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER READ. You are a sick, strange person, and I approve of your methods. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I've been getting that enough lately that I'm wondering if I should start a newsletter.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 05:08 am (UTC)

Jan. 2nd, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC)
*bows* Thank you!
Jan. 2nd, 2008 06:04 am (UTC)
You know, when I saw the line show up at Metaquotes, I KNEW itwas you
Jan. 2nd, 2008 08:50 pm (UTC)
. . . my writing style is clearly too distinctive.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 08:00 am (UTC)
I'm not one for cute things too much, I own several stuffed tarantula's and two or three bats. I dont know who to feel sorry for.. Umbridge for the attempt to have her unbridled evil currupted or the fuzzy ones for obvious reasons...

anywho.. cool story I had a good snigger out of it!!
Jan. 2nd, 2008 09:59 am (UTC)
Came to your story through metaquotes.

Fantastic. Especially when Smart Heart tried to save Baby Hugs. Who would have ever thought a Care Bears vs. Umbridge battle would have so much pathos?
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
Well, I figured that with a name like that, Smart Heart would be inclined to go for strategy of some sort. Not that it did any good against the AK.
Jan. 2nd, 2008 12:17 pm (UTC)
And 2008 is off to an auspicious start! Thank you!
Jan. 2nd, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)
Hope I've made it a good new year for you!
Jan. 2nd, 2008 03:30 pm (UTC)
Bravo and Thank You
I am 12 years older then my youngest brother, who was a big Care Bears fan back in the 80's. I'd barricade myself in my room trying to muffleout the sounds of "We Care! We Care! Care Bears Stare!" (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGG!!!!!!)

But there was a happy ending. I earned an A in my high school speech class for producing a radio commercial for the fictional movie, Rambo Vs. the Care Bears with results very similar to your tale. (Picture: "Tenderheart....I'm coming to get you! M16 sound effects and screams of pain)

I very much appreciated and enjoyed your little tale. Thank you!
Jan. 2nd, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC)
Re: Bravo and Thank You
*snicker* It's like any story that involves killing Barney -- there's always a good number of people who had the same basic idea when they were kids.
Re: Bravo and Thank You - full_metal_ox - Nov. 9th, 2009 06:25 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Bravo and Thank You - fairest1 - Nov. 9th, 2009 02:41 pm (UTC) - Expand
Jan. 2nd, 2008 08:51 pm (UTC)

You win!

I do not have an Internets to award you. Hence, a semi-related Chibi Supernatural icon to commemorate your win, above. (Regrettably I cannot use it as an icon here, as I am a sad and lowly Basic User with no plans to change, who has already reached my icon quota. ^__^)
Jan. 4th, 2008 05:40 pm (UTC)
Awww, thank you! Excellent iconage.
Jan. 3rd, 2008 03:07 am (UTC)
You have just earned a review on http://www.geocities.com/fanficmag/index.html (posting pending)

And may I mention? This story is full of win. I thought the same exact thing when I saw Umbridge's suit, actually...but I never liked the Care Bears enough to actually write about it.

And Grumpy made a run for it! Without the other bears, he's just like "Screw it, I'm out of here." I wouldn't be surprised that if Smart Heart and the cub actually made it out, the Cloud Car would be long gone. Meanwhile, everyone else (except those two) are too terrified to make a run for it.
Jan. 4th, 2008 05:50 pm (UTC)
Awesome! Thank you.

I figure that Grumpy would've kept the Cloud Car just out of range in case any of them made it out. Natural selection, and all that -- save the ones who are smart enough to make it out.
Jan. 3rd, 2008 05:14 am (UTC)
Made of Win and Cheeze-its.
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( 55 comments — Leave a comment )